Sermon in the Valley of the Shadow of Death

The unBeattitudes

The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew, and the shorter Sermon on the Plain in Luke, containing The Beatitudes — represent some of the most famous of Jesus’ teachings.

These vivid sayings express what Jesus was for. But they also imply what Jesus was against. To say “Forgive and you will be forgiven,” or “Love your enemies” implies that the widespread, normal approach would be to hold grudges and to hate those who hurt you.

I went looking for what The Sermon on the Mount was against. I did this by taking The Sermon on the Mount and, for nearly every passage, imagining an opposite to it, a version of what it is opposed to, a world in which this teaching of Jesus has no place.

Others might find different “opposites” to each of the Beatitudes and statements in The Sermon; my view of evil is influenced by Shakespeare’s Richard III and Iago, and by readings on ancient history. But my results present a shocking evocation of a godless world without rights, governed by a ruler and not by rules, a world without pity or equality, where power is the only reality and truth is a tool for manipulation — a world as arbitrary and merciless as a lightning strike.

Whether this cruel world was widespread in ancient times (and in the worst modern dictators), or whether it mainly represents a spiritual temptation present to all of us, all the time, it is implied by The Sermon on the Mount. That cruel world, and the impulses that create it, are what Jesus seems to be preaching against.

For a glimpse of what the world might look like if it was (is?) run in a manner opposite of the teachings of Jesus, you will find below many passage in The Sermon on the Mount paired with my version of their opposites.

Sermon in the Valley of the Shadow of Death

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the charismatic, for they tell others what to believe.

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are those who lie and kill for you, for they shall fear no guilt.

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are the brazen, for they shall conquer the earth.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Blessed are those who exploit the thirst for righteousness, for they shall be rich.

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the merciless, for they determine who needs mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
Blessed are the cruel at heart, for they shall be feared as gods.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Blessed are those who start the wars we thrive on, for they have power over life and death.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who persecute the righteous, for they rid the earth of zealots.

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Blessed are those who revile and persecute to get ahead, for they shall get ahead.

Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
Rejoice and be glad, for you will conquer and pillage like those who conquered before you.

Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.
You are the salt of the earth: whatever is spoiled or defective, you redeem into profitable trade with the unsuspecting.

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
You are the light of the world: You decide who sees, and what they see.

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see no truth but what you show them.

The disciple is not above his master: but every one that is perfect shall be as his master.
Reward those who perceive your perfect glory; make those who find your faults evaporate.

For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes.
All your fruits are delectable, even to those they poison. Men gather your thorns as bouquets.

Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
You came not to destroy, but to conquer and dominate.

Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:
Teach men not to kill one another, but kill as you need to, without remorse.

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.
Judge or forgive, condemn or release — so no one can guess what you might do next.

For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
You are here to make the laws, not to be bound by them.

Whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.
Family is foremost, but if your brother offend you, slit his throat and adopt a better one.

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee, leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
If you kill your brother, boast about it so the world will know what you are capable of.

Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Frustrated longings are a source of evil, therefore take every woman you want.

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
If your right eye fills with pity, take it to the killing fields untill it sees correctly.

And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
If your right hand grows soft with mercy, train it to stab and strangle.

I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
When your lover wears thin, discard her for a new one.

Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths.
Swear an oath, sign a treaty, bind yourself to contracts as you need to, then break them as you will.

Let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
Speak clearly in words that can be reinterpreted as needed.

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
Know your own heart, so you will never reveal it.

Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
Give in good measure, but control what the measure is.

Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
Spread your generosity, help the afflicted, rescue those in peril, to keep them in your debt.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
Never match an offense with an equal offense — instead, obliterate.

If any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.
If anyone sues you, take him for all he is worth.

Whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
If anyone forces you to go a mile, go with him and leave his body in a ditch.

Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
To those who ask of you, give, but on terms that enslave them.

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
Love your enemies and do good to them, till you get them where you want them.

He maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
The sun rises on those whose heads you have raised, but the rest kneel in your shadow.

For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?
Reward those who serve you, till they know their survival depends on your whim.

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
Treat everyone, even your opponents, with generosity — to disorient them.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Shine like a god on those who kneel in awe before you. Kill the rest.

As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.
Do unto others before they have a chance to do it to you.

Some Thoughts

Historian Tom Holland has argued that vicious attitudes of the kind I have evoked as the opposites to Jesus’ statements— call them the unBeattitudes — were widespread in ancient kingdoms, and that even the more civilized Greeks and Romans could display a cruelty and indifference toward individual life that is shocking to a modern sensibility.

Our modern, softer sensibility, he claims, developed from seeds planted in The Bible — such as those in The Sermon on the Mount, in the insistence that all people are equal before God, and in the recurring demand to do justice. These alternatives to the ancient autocratic world, according to Holland, were developed in Christanity, tweaked in Protestantism, and transformed into drivers of the Enlightenment, the Scientific Revolution, the Romantics, the 19th and 20th century utopian revolutionaries, and in the social justice reformers of our day.

The moral impulse of Judeo-Christian thought, Holland suggests, gave the modern world much of its drive toward truth, justice, equality, the value of the individual, and opposition to oppression. Those who attack Christianity today, he suggests, do so largely with the tools Christianity helped create. We rarely see this, beause the humanizing influence of Christianity is like the water we swim in.

The world evoked by the unBeattitudes is, alas, one we know well, one we can find in popular culture like The Game of Thrones — or one we can readily imagine.

In reading The Sermon on the Mount you may well conclude that the cruel, autocratic world it implies as its opposite exists quite close to us, and likely inside us — ready to take over our world if we cease to oppose it with the charitable, merciful, peace-loving strength advocated by The Sermon on the Mount.

This piece is based on two passages in the New Testament, The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:1–48, and The Sermon on the Plain in Luke 6:20–39. References to historian Tom Holland come from his YouTube talks and interviews, mostly concerning his book, Dominion: How the Christian Revolution Remade the World.